Prepared by: Liz Jones, MSW

Holidays can be especially stressful for the elderly. Older adults often relinquish family leadership roles non-voluntarily, producing a loss of identity which causes depression. This loss of control is especially evident to the elderly during the holiday season, which stretches from Thanksgiving to New Years Day, when they become guests at functions they formerly hosted. Due to the break-up of the nuclear family, as well as death or impairment of spouse and siblings, an increasing number of older adults find themselves alone at holiday time. Younger family members should try to involve their elders in holiday preparations and make them feel an important part of the family during the holiday season.

Grief over the loss of a loved one can become much more pronounced during the holidays. Some recommendations for coping with grief follow:

• It’s okay to be sad and grieve
  
  
• Keep memories of the deceased close
  
  
• Do something in memory of the deceased
  
  
• Do not isolate
  
  
• Eat healthy, and get plenty of rest and exercise
  
  
• Focus on spiritual aspects of the holiday
  
  
• Change traditions or create new ones
  
  
• Hang a stocking filled with special memorabilia of the deceased
  
  
• Let others cook
  
  
• Decorate as much as you are ready for
  
  

Ways to help an elderly person remember a loved one during the holidays:

• Light a candle
  
  
• Create a memory book of photos
  
  
• Create a memory boxes of special items
  
  
• Make a donation to a foundation
  
  
• Create a scholarship fund in their name
  
  
• Write a poem or story of the deceased
  
  

Many have difficulty finding the right words to give comfort to someone who is grieving. Some of the most comforting things to say are:

• I’m sorry
  
  
• I’m sad for you
  
  
• I’m here to listen
  
  
• What can I do?
  
  
• I’ll call you (or stop by) tomorrow
  
  
• Take all the time you need.
  
  

Some of the least comforting things to say can be:

• I understand how you feel
  
  
• You have your own life ahead of you
  
  
• You’ll feel worse before you feel better
  
  
• He (she) led a full life
  
  
• Be strong